i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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