hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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