Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
