When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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