Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
