so explain again why im purple
no
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
