I will die if light touches me.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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