It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
