Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
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Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
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PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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