You just made me feel so damn special
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
