Non-Jews are for practice
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
