bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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