Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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