You don't have asthma, your pregnant
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I am mentally ready for anal.
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