Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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