Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
