I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
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I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
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and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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