There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it