Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Randomize
