So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.