I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
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He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
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Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie