This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.