Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
