you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
