woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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