i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
you never un-have a 4some
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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