I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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