as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
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people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
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Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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