mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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