who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
