It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
