the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
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And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
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Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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