Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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