Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
