Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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