doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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