I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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