tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
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she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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