the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
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also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
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Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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