those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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