So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
