I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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