Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
