Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
