She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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