Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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