I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
time to smoke my breakfast
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
