Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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