Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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