I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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