Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(214): View more from Texas

I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts

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(231): View more from Michigan

You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.

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(702): View more from Nevada

I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.

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(503): View more from Oregon

I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.

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(719): View more from Colorado

Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.

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(765): View more from Indiana

Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun

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(303): View more from Colorado

If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina

(401): View more from Rhode Island

I told you those kegels would come in handy one day

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(330): View more from Ohio

I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself

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