i think my tv is drunk
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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