its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
