Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
