Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Then you guys just all showered together...?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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