Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
