You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
