I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
