Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
