It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
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Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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