am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
