they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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