we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
