my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I need a burrito and a hug.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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