you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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