shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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