I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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